Wednesday, April 8, 2009


This is Laid-Off Middle Manager Fred. Most Fred's are, if not excessively honorable and kind, at least generally civil and productive members of society.

This Fred is a total yutz. Because he has an MBA he feels entitled to a six-figure income in any company (screw whether he knows the difference between a widget and a sprocket) and he resents that he a) has not been headhunted with a contract that includes ridiculous options and bonuses and b) was not offered one of the six-month severance packages last summer, but was summarily laid off with two months notice last fall.

He also does not understand that the reason he has not been headhunted or had any hits on his resume on all those job-hunting sites is because he has accomplished nothing since college, except managing to get laid off.

This Fred buys his suits off the rack (which is fine if you bother to get the fit tailored, but that never occurs to him.) He spends most weekends boozing with his fraternity brothers (he's the creepy older guy but, hey, he brings the keg and tap) and will probably never figure out that spending all day Monday regaling various coworkers with his drunken exploits, belching the alphabet in the breakroom or telling bawdy jokes is most of what led to his dismissal.
Do you work with this Fred? I bet, if you work in an office you have worked with at least one. Hell, I used to work in a bookstore and I worked with one.

The Unqualified Middle Manager Fred is approximately 11" tall by 5" wide - He has no mouth, so he won't be able to burden you will tales of his inebriated adventures, and he has no arms so he won't be able to pinch your stapler. He's suitable for sticking pins into.

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